Creepy Stalker _____Guy_____

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Funny stuff/IM segments

If you have one, send it in! (contact us has all of the info you will need to send us your funny IM segment.) 
The following may be edited for content

The next few are rated PG13 for suggestive contant and adult language.

massicer23: hey baby

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: hmmm

massicer23: wanna cyber hottie

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: nope

massicer23: how come... you so sexy, i cant resist your hot body

massicer23: Megan, i want to fuck your brains out you hott bitch

massicer23: i could just poke your eyes out and make love to your skull

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: thats disgusting lol

massicer23: can we please cyber, im just feelin so lonely

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: thats ur prob.. i have a b/f

massicer23: ill kick his ass... all for you baby

massicer23: have you ever had sex?

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

massicer23: you wanna?

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: nope not w/ u

massicer23: how do you know... i could be the biggest dick you might ever heve

massicer23: have you ever cybered before?

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no b/c thats weird

massicer23: you wanna... its like having sex with a chance of std or babies

massicer23: without*

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: hmmm no thanx

massicer23: how come.... ont you love me baby

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: i don't even know who u are

massicer23: you can still love me

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: not really

massicer23: lets make a beby

massicer23: baby

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: lets not

massicer23: are you hot

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: look at my pics and u tell me

massicer23: ohh damn... i would cum all over your beautiful face

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no thanx

massicer23: damn... you and jordan should make out... i could get off to that so easily

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: i don't make out w/ chix

massicer23: how come.... it would be so hott

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: thats ok i'm good making out w/ my b/f

massicer23: is charlie your boyfreind

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

massicer23: ohh thank god

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: thats wut i'm sayin

massicer23: is your boyfreind in those pictures

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: ummm i dunno

massicer23: oh

massicer23: im going to kill him... so you can be mine

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: brb

massicer23: ok

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: back

massicer23: wanna cyber

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: i don't do that

massicer23: are you horny

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

massicer23: do you ever pleasure yourself

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: y?

massicer23: just wonderin

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: oh

massicer23: do you?

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: y would i tell u?

massicer23: becasue im such a good freind

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: i don't even know who this really is

massicer23: i dont know who you really are... so were even

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: k

massicer23: so do you

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: not really...

massicer23: so you dont have fun with old pionter and middle finger

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: naw

massicer23: do you have vibbrator

massicer23: ??

xXxcutiegirl07xXx : no

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: do u?

massicer23: ya... you wanna borrow it, its never been used, i got it for this exact purpose

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no i don't wanna borrow it.. thanx tho

massicer23: so you havent ever stuck those fingers in there

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: hey, i don't wanna talk to u bout this.. i have a b/f

massicer23: so...?

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: so.. i don't talk to other guys about stuff like that

massicer23: please.... i mean we wont ever see or meet, or know each other

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: hmmm soo

massicer23: so its like confiding in a person that will never tell anybody else about it

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: w/e w/e

massicer23: so will you tell em

massicer23: me

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no lol

massicer23: please

massicer23: i need somthing to jack off too, please tell em

massicer23: me

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: haha i don't want to be responsible for u jacking off

massicer23: just forget i said that, and then tell em

massicer23: me

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: i'm gonna go take a shower i'll ttyl

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: bye

massicer23: bye

massicer23: can i watch

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: no

massicer23: damn.... please

xXxcutiegirl07xXx: haha no

massicer23: alright, :'(

U d c h a o s: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears27: Aight.
U d c h a o s: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears27: I slip out of my pants, just for you, U d c h a o s.
U d c h a o s: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears27: Oh, I like to play dress up.
U d c h a o s: Me too baby.
BritneySpears27: I kiss you softly on your chest.
U d c h a o s: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears27: Hey...
U d c h a o s: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears27: Funny I still don't see it.
U d c h a o s: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty "F" of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears27: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
U d c h a o s: Don't F*** with me b****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
U d c h a o s: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears27: Don't ever message me again you piece of shiat.
U d c h a o s: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
U d c h a o s: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
U d c h a o s: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
U d c h a o s: Baby?

sexysusan: Thats ok. Ok I'm a japanese schoolgirl, what are you.
U d c h a o s: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
sexysusan: Haha, ok lets go.
sexysusan: I put my hand through your hair, and kiss you on the neck.
U d c h a o s: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
sexysusan: Haha, ok, you know that turns me on.
sexysusan: I start unbuttoning your shirt.
U d c h a o s: Rhinoceruses don't were shirts.
sexysusan: No, your not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
U d c h a o s: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f***ing charge your ass.
sexysusan: Stop, c'mon be serious.
U d c h a o s: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
U d c h a o s: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
sexysusan: Thats it.
U d c h a o s: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
U d c h a o s: Goddam am I hard now.

Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

Katey69: Sure, you into vegetables?
U d c h a o s: What like gardening an shiat?
Katey69: Yeah, something like that.
U d c h a o s: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
U d c h a o s: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
Katey69: is that it?
U d c h a o s: You water your tomato patch.
U d c h a o s: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katey69: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
U d c h a o s: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
U d c h a o s: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
Katey69: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
U d c h a o s: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
U d c h a o s: Dang baby your right, this shiat is HOT.
U d c h a o s: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katey69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
U d c h a o s: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B****.
Katey69: whatever.

G-Love: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears27: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears27: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
G-Love: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears27: WTF, I told you not to message me again.
G-Love: Oh shiat
BritneySpears27: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me f***ing kiddie porn you f*** up.
G-Love: Oh shiat
G-Love: dang I gotta write down their names or something...

Mandy4u26: Yeah I'm here.
U d c h a o s: You ready?
Mandy4u26: Okay.
U d c h a o s: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
Mandy4u26: Cowboy boots?
U d c h a o s: WWI era trench issue boots.
Mandy4u26: okay...
U d c h a o s: Help me pull my boots off baby.
Mandy4u26: Whats that smell?
U d c h a o s: Rotting toes.
Mandy4u26: Ummm...
U d c h a o s: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
Mandy4u26: ...
U d c h a o s: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...

U d c h a o s:Your pretty funny
DirtyKate:I don't remember you.. but thanx
U d c h a o s:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
U d c h a o s: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
U d c h a o s:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
U d c h a o s:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
U d c h a o s:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
U d c h a o s:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
U d c h a o s:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
DirtyKate:Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
U d c h a o s:You can't hurry good pizza.
U d c h a o s:I'm on my way now though
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
U d c h a o s:How did you know?
U d c h a o s:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
U d c h a o s:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
U d c h a o s:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
U d c h a o s:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. I shove the pizza down my pants. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shiat

Abel: god will, why must you be so asian?
Will: one day im gonna kick you and teils ass
Abel: i know
Abel: why teils?
Will: for kicks
Abel: ohh, i know, ill use him as the human sheild, and once hes usless you come for me
Will: cause hes just as bad as you
Abel: im the baddest man
Will: lol
Will: ok
Abel: alright, ill ease up on the racial...stuff
Will: no you wont
Abel: i know. but ill think i will
Abel: ill think it very loudly
Will: You just can't trust mexicans
Abel: ohhhh, that was bellow the belt
Will: below the belt you probably stoll

Abel: im telling my mom!
Will: why dont you tell one of your dads
Will: lol
Will: there's just so many
Abel: ok, i understand. you make fun of my race because i make fun of yours....ohh, really bellow the belt with the dads...
Will: I was implying your mom was a whore
Abel: how did you like san francisco?
Will: never been there before
Abel: but you have remember in '49 where we made you dig for gold for us?
Will: I dont give a shat we may have worked for you to get you richer but look at the ratio of rich mexicans to rich asians
Will: there are more rich asians compaired to mexicans
Abel: but look at the prison ratings...ohh wait, well, look at the... wait.....
Will: look at the crime rates
Will: lol
Will: times have changed
Will: well i dont care
Abel: ok, ok, we can both see you win....ya asian. you people always were cheaters
Abel: at least we dont drive five miles per hour down the highway with our blinker on!!!!
Will: no you mexicans always cheat off us asian's papers
Will: oh oh
Abel: ok, ok, im sorry. all the racial labeling needs to stop. we need to look beyond the barriours that natur gave us. i love you will. really, i do. in a manly kind of way. if i had to choose to keep my life and you to die, or me to die and you to live, i would thow a golf ball at the person giving me the desission then kick him in the balls
Will: I'd hold him while you kick
Abel: there you go. well, i have to go......ya stupid asian

Abel signed off at 10:22